Depression is a hard topic for me to talk about. Honestly, I have been depressed before and it happens every once in a while. I try to stop it, to hold it off, but it’s more difficult that I ever imagined.
Growing up, my childhood was very stressful. My dad left when I was three, so it was just me and my mother. She did her best and we would both stress about money or how to get me where I needed to go. It was the little things that most families don’t think about too greatly. I was always very anxious as a child. I had my own issues, but then in high school I feel like it really hit. For some reason, I lost motivation to do literally anything. I talked to a couple friends and they told me that I should go to the doctor and that this wasn’t healthy. I had no idea and I definitely didn’t want to tell my mom I thought I could be depressed.
I never talked about my feelings. Ever. Especially with my family. They did not need to know how much I was struggling or how much I felt like I was drowning. It was so hard. “Put on your happy face.” My mantra. Around my family, I was the same person I’ve always been. By myself, I just laid in bed and cried until I would fall asleep. To this day, I don’t think my mom has ever suspected anything. Until recently.
When my dad passed away recently, it crept up on me. I’m a strong-willed individual, so I tried to hold it off. I couldn’t. This has been one of the hardest semesters I have ever experienced. Sometimes, I cannot get out of bed. Sometimes, I honestly just don’t care. I’m starting to feel more like my self again, but it was a struggle for about the last month and a half. I could not imagine feeling like this before I actually did. There is a significant amount of children and young adults that feel this way. I found a study saying that 3.6% of young adults in Switzerland are or have been depressed. That number doesn’t seem that significant, but with a population of over 8 million people, that’s a lot of kids trying to fight this horrible feeling.
Eventually, I felt better and went back to my old self. Sometimes, it creeps back up and takes me down a little. I try my best to break the cycle. I don’t know if I’ll ever actually be able to break it completely, but I am still trying. My last remark is that if you ever need someone to talk to, please reach out. To me or friends or a doctor or parents. Just someone. Get the help you need, whether it’s medical, spiritual, or emotional. Please do not let this consume you. You are better than this and it will get better.
Barth J, Hofmann K, Schori D. “Swiss Medical Weekly.” Swiss Medical Weekly. N.p., 10 Apr. 2014. Web. 30 Nov. 2016.